Feel  the rainbow aura.
Feel the rainbow aura.

Today I was reflecting on the metaphysical. And a migraine. And the two were apparently related.

My wife and I met two very nice women at a local library yesterday that were offering free aura readings to drum up business for their yoga place. We’re always up for the spiritual and metaphysical (and free is always good).

There was a long table with rectangular box in the center surrounded by books and pamphlets. The box had shiny metal metal hand prints that were cold to the touch and surrounded by red plush carpeting. Kind of like your favorite great aunt’s living room at Christmas.

That Men In Black scene flashed in my head. I decided I would (probably) never commit a crime that would necessitate needing fingerprints, so I gladly sat down at the table. We took turns placing our hands like children doing plaster prints.

My wife’s aura on the little screen was green, orange, and yellow. They told her how wonderful she was and probably said some wonderful health related stuff and blah blah blah. That’s enough about her.

My aura popped up on the screen and I blinked. I looked again at the fuzzy faceless image and it was surrounded by just one color – RED. Like candy-apple-grab-your-Santa-suit-crimson red. It looked like the air surrounding my head had recently been to a George R.R. Martin wedding.

Not that it’s a competition or anything, but why was hers all rainbow sherbety and I’m showing up draped in Satan’s bathrobe?

I’d done enough of this sort of thing to know what red meant and what the nice yoga woman was going to say. First, she’d say that auras change and this isn’t a permanent (so don’t worry). Second, that I was probably either full of unused built-up energy or had a lot of some other build up like anger, hatred, or tomato juice.

None of which could be true.

Especially since I hate tomatoes with fury.

But, she didn’t say any of this.

That kind woman looked at me and said that I was most likely fearful. That I was LIVING WITH FEAR.

I looked at my wife to see if she had heard it too. She stared at me blankly, which was not helpful, so I turned back to the woman.

“Fear? Did you say fear?”

Yes, I had heard correctly. She then proceeded to tell me how this fear was probably affecting my kidneys and bladder.

I turned to my wife again. Still blank. Really? Didn’t I just have to see a doctor last week about…

Never mind. That’s probably too much information and irrelevant.

What IS important is that yoga lady was right about both my health and the fear.

I’m not in mortal fear. (Had to throw that out there in case any of my family reads this and tries to call the police. They overreact sometimes and are very on top of things.)

I’ve recently had a fear of failure and self-doubt circulating in my brain after a blow that knocked some of the wind out of me a few months back. That’s intentionally vague, I know, but those details aren’t relevant either.

Here’s what’s important: yoga woman didn’t know anything about me. Was she intuitive or did she read all red auras the same? I, of course, thought it was all coincidence. So, I, of course, signed up for their free yoga intro class for the following day.

Maybe the red was actually Kool-Aid. I’m not sure at this point.

In a related adventure, that evening I had to go into a casino. I try to avoid them, but sometimes it’s necessary. Like this night when family was visiting from out-of-town. Well, the smokey air got to me and I was down with a migraine by morning.

My wife was overly eager to call and cancel our morning yoga class due to my “illness” and enthusiastically left a message.  I don’t think she drank from the same paper cup that I had the day before.

The lady who had read my aura incorrectly – I mean the nice woman who had signed us up from the day prior – immediately called her back and said that migraines and other illnesses are the BEST times to take their classes – their yoga could help with that.

Now they were just creeping me out.

I took modern medicine (thank you very much) and was well enough to face sunlight later that day so we could attend the afternoon class. My wife was thrilled. I could tell.

This class was mostly stretching and “tapping”. The latter was weird. I won’t explain it because that would just make it even weirder. You can probably look it up. The stretching parts made me laugh because of all the grunt noises coming from the wife’s mat.

Because that’s what you get if you have a prettier aura than mine.

We chatted with the same two women afterward who were still really kind. And we bought some tea. Or colored sugar water to be served on little trays. I’m not really sure.

I did feel better after the class, but I’m not sure we’ll continue since that was a lot of inner healing to take in all at once. I may just have to work through my fear my own way – with loathing and chocolate over a period of time. Or ice cream. In fact, I think I read somewhere that chocolate ice cream cures unsubstantiated fears.

All I do know is that we’re signed up to have our chakras read next week to see if their in alignment.

And we’re going to have another aura reading as soon as I feel better.

Oh, yes we are.

UPDATE:  We returned to the yoga studio for the chakra and overall health and wellness check.

It was recommended that I start taking classes (saw that one coming), but get this: They recommended one-one-one training sessions for the wife. Five of them. Apparently she’s holding some repressed emotions and tension and other unknown blockage.

Can’t imagine why. I am an absolute DREAM to live with and totally easy going. Must be past life stuff.

Whatever the reason, obviously the important part is that we’re now even.