Today I have purple spots up and down my back.  On purpose.  Sort of.

The wife bought into the whole yoga thing hook-line-sinker style, which of course means “we” are now deep into the yoga thing. (Because that’s how two females approach anything in a relationship, which makes girls night out that much more difficult.)

Anyway, we’re now suddenly going a few times per week to stretch our legs to places we shouldn’t, on mats of questionable cleanliness, with a bunch of other people in loosely fitting pants and padded socks. Kind of like an asylum, but with flute music and more grunting.

Oh, and we have purple spots.

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Mine don’t look like these.

The spots are perfectly round and are the result of having suction cups put in places where normal people wouldn’t place them. At least they’re not where I would put them. Not that I use suction cups on my body for any purpose. Never mind.

Supposedly, the more bruising the more “blockage”. Whatever. Any blockage is probably the cheese I ate. I’m sure it wasn’t any latent metaphysical manifestations that caused me to go all Barney the Dinosaur.

Speaking of metaphysical, I believe I’m in this predicament because the wife  just started a “7” year, numerologically speaking.  The seven year is one of introspection, seeking one’s purpose in life, etc. (She’s sitting next to me reading a chakras healing book as I type.)

The seven year is the numerological equivalent of curling up with a bowl of bon bons to sort it out while binging Lifetime. Except for a whole year and with everything. Not just that occasional weird weekend you spend in your pajamas. 

I just came out of that year and I don’t care to repeat it. Mostly because we’re out of bon bons. But, also because the seven year is supposed to be a personal thing. I didn’t drag her with me and make her participate in my landscape painting phase last summer. Did I.

But here we are.

You should probably check what year you’re in so you can get the most out of it. If you have a partner, check theirs too so you can help each other along. Or, drive each other crazy. Your choice.

I’m no numerologist, but the basics of the number cycle is this:  We all go through numeric cycles (days, months, years) conveniently labeled with numbers, 1 – 9, which are then repeated…

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To find what year you’re in, just add up the numbers in your birth date with the current year and reduce it to a single number.

Example:

If your birth date is November 23rd, that breaks down to: 11 +23 +2015

Which further breaks down to:  1+1+2+3+2+0+1+5 = 42

Then just add those up:  4 + 2 = 6

So, your current year would be a “6” year.

(You could have also just added up all the big numbers without the further breakdown, then broke those down into a single digit, thus proving all those teachers were right and that you did indeed use math skills in adulthood after all.)

There are several websites and blogs that offer explanations of what each year means, but here is a simplified version in my own words.

1 Year:  New starts, fresh beginnings, making plans. It’s the Nike “Just Do It” year.

2 Year:   This is the “mushroom in the dark” year. Veiled growth, relationships, cooperation, and basically just waiting for stuff to come your way.

3 Year:  Communicate, communicate, communicate.  Reach out to others! It’s the opposite of the two year. I like to call it the “accept all those stupid social invitations year.” Also, creativity and inspiration, if you’re in to that sort of thing.

4 Year:   Get organized, keep to routine, work hard, be disciplined. It’s the “get your sh*t together” year and then put it in order and then color code it. I’d start with your closets. I don’t know you, but they’re probably a mess.

5 Year:   This is the “if it can change it probably will” time.  Expect the unexpected – don’t you hate when people say that? This is the year for change, unexpected ups and downs, and a freedom from last year’s routine. Good times, good times. Although, I guess that depends on your personality type and outlook.

6 Year:  This the year for family, domestic needs, and service to everyone. Everyone who relies on you will come out of the woodwork to rely on you even more. A year responsibility. It’s the annoying “Dudley Do Right” by your loved ones year. Oh, and call your mother. She misses you.

7 Year:  Introverts rejoice! A time for introspection, searching for purpose in life, and self-awareness. It’s also the year when you decide what you’ll be doing during next nine-year cycle after the current one ends. So, read a self help book – or twelve. Take a class, change your outlook, or make your spouse take up yoga with you.

8 Year:  Power, delegation, recognition, reward, and possible monetary gains. Whoo hoo! Right? The caution is to not become too full of yourself.  The great power/great responsibility feeling crops up a lot. Definitely don’t treat others badly. Not that you should do that anyway since karma’s an unrelenting so-and-so, but this year is particularly bad for that kind of behavior. Use your power for good.

9 Year:  Whew!  Wrap it up.  Complete the cycle, release, and get ready for next year’s new starts when the cycle starts all over again. It’s also probably the most altruistic and humanitarian focused of the cycle. It’s a time of reflection and possibly rehashing or experiencing some of the things from the last eight years or even further from your past. It’s like a flash back that last all year long. Say “hi” to your old flame for me when you suddenly have a run-in.

Whatever year you are in I hope you find it rewarding.  May 2015 bring you all the happiness and prosperity you deserve!  

Without bruising.

P.S. Wife has put down the book and is now practicing her breathing. Breathing. As if we weren’t already doing that. Nothing will be overlooked in her (seven) year.  I’m going to need more ice cream.