It’s odd that neither the U.S. nor Canada celebrates this holiday on a weekend, which would make a lot more sense. Then again, no one would get the day off work. (If you’re a government official in either country don’t listen to me. I’m on a medication called caffeine sugar that affects judgement.)


My wife’s friends invited us over for a Canadian Thanksgiving this year  and she asked for my advice on what we should bring.  “Uh… you’re from Canada. Don’t you know what we should bring? What is the main course – stuffed beaver, poutine, Canadian back bacon?”

After reproaching me for the stuffed beaver comment, she answered, “I’m not sure. Turkey? My family ate Chinese food and played mahjong* for every holiday.” Of course they did. I can confirm from our trips to visit her family that they eat Chinese food for every meal.

“Well, you know my family eats brussel sprouts smothered in Cheez Whiz** and tries to make sure no one cries on Thanksgiving. We all have our traditions.”

My wife looked at me. “Cheese what? That fake stuff from a can?”

“It’s from a jar. Unless we run out, then we use Velveeta, which comes from a cardboard box.” My wife stared at me. She’s a foodie and I think she was dying a little bit inside because she actually likes the brussel sprouts. “We could just bring wine. Is white wine paired with beaver?” I offered.

It took some discussion, but it was decided that we would indeed prepare the cheesy green balls BECAUSE THEY ARE DELICIOUS regardless of the cheese (none) source.

And because you can’t bring rice noodles with bamboo shoots for Thanksgiving.

That would be weird.


*Mahjong is game with tiles and a lot of fast movements and yelling and often someone cries.

**You people with those french onion green bean dishes are probably yuppies and are probably preparing all your vegetables wrong.