Mother’s Day has never made sense to me.

 

Whether people become mothers by choice or by accident, the kids had nothing to do with it. Why should they be forced to celebrate their parents’ life choices?

If we want to drag the children into it, we should re-label it as “Glad I Wasn’t Aborted Day”, or something similar, in order to personalize the holiday to the kids’ interests.

My wife was raised with a very different perspective. She was taught that children are born to serve and eventually take care of their parents.

How depressing is that? Bringing a child into this world so that someday he/she can cater to you and wipe your butt? No, thanks. I think both my kids and I agree that there will be no need for anyone to wipe anyone else’s adult anything now or in the future.

all-love-one-pay-mothers-day-ecard-someecards

I’ve told my kids since they were little that if they agreed to get the hell out and never return when the time comes for them to be on their own* then I will take care of my own financial retirement and old person caregiving.

And I mean it. I’ll put the last of my money toward garnering the services of Kevorkian’s grandchild, if necessary. My kids can keep the baby wipes for use on their own children/grandchildren and away from me, thank you very much.

Why flowers on Mother's Day

I know I’m not the only one who thinks this way although I realize I’m in the minority.

To the few mothers that feel the same way, for all the married fathers who dread this holiday second only to Valentine’s Day, and to everyone who isn’t a mother, please allow me to wish you a very pleasant and peaceful Sunday. I’m here for you.

 

To my own mother, who has never touched a computer and will never read this anyway… HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY, MOM. Glad you didn’t abort me and thanks for not leaving me in a trashcan because I was horrific screamer and crier as an infant.

P.S. My sentiment is the same about Father’s Day, but I don’t have a leg to stand on there. I’m willing to bet most fathers would gladly give up that day if it also meant Mother’s Day was off the table. Bet money on it.

P.S.S. If you’d like to send your mother a card, here are a few suggestions from the internet. I am not alone.

*I had no idea that leaving the nest and not bouncing back would be such a huge generational problem. Foresight, I had.